“She’s so fat, it’s disgusting”, “She’d be pretty if she was skinnier!”, “Keep eating like that and you’re going to be a butterball,”. “Oh. Honey! You have such a pretty face, if only you were thin!” “You are too skinny for a girl!”
Have you ever heard, or said the above to yourself, then you have practiced what is known as body shaming, and you’re not alone. We have all been there, whether it’s us doing the body shaming or being body shamed or being the spectator of some else being body shamed.
People body shame for having curves or having none. No matter how many empowerment conferences, TED talks, and blog posts are out there, men and women keep tearing one another down over physical appearance.
If someone is overweight, there may be numerous factors, meaning it’s not always due to poor discipline or willpower. The human body has a tremendous capacity for variation, which is why everyone looks different! There are people who are happy with the way they look and there who desire changes in body image, the point is whatever it may be, only opinion that matters is their own.
It’s not like our society is typically bad and criticize people based on everything. You must have heard people standing up for each other when someone is criticized for their skin colour, sex or height.
Then why not stand up for criticism against weight?
Criticizing someone for weight is ironically considered acceptable.
Can you see the logic in this? It’s for the fact that someone’s skin colour or height isn’t something reversible but they can always reduce weight through diet and exercise.
So we assume if someone is overweight or underweight our criticism is not inhuman. Is it really?
Well I believe, It is as in-human as the others!
Research say some people are more prone to gaining weight, there are genetics involved. I am not saying every obese person can use this as an excuse, what I am trying to Imply is it could be one of those factors. Sometimes hormones plays the role and even certain people are more inclined toward eating high calorific food due to certain factors in brain, research is still ongoing.
But, such people can always eat healthy or do regular exercise, right?
Well, again that is not always easy. According to research by Cambridge University, where they examined 100 popular food items under Government criteria as healthy or not and the findings showed that healthy food costs three times as much as unhealthy food!
It’s not just the price it is the availability as well that affects. Junk food outlets like McDonald’s, Pizza hut, Dominos, KFC etc. are invariably available but how many salad or green veggies outlet do we have in our city?
Think it from the perspective of someone working 12-14 hours a day, getting just ten minutes lunch break. Would you go around looking for healthier expensive options or grab a bite of something that’s across the street and cheap?
Fine, now you would say even if we agree so far, ‘you have fair chance of being obese’, ‘not getting healthier options to eat’ but what about exercise? That is something all can do, right?
It is a good point but not always applicable as exercise requires time! Someone might be commuting 3-4 hours a day after a 10-12 hours job; someone might be raising children or nursing a new-born; caring for sick parents or spouse; someone with physical limitation; lack of safe places to walk or exercise. The reasons can be anything from challenging work life situation to psychological stress. Stress is also linked with binge eating.
What we need to understand and communicate is being ‘overweight’ is nothing to be ashamed of and likewise nothing to be mocked at. The reason to lose or gain weight should only come from your inner self, if that makes you happy and at your own pace. There can be times when you are too busy running to make both ends meet and you overlook your health and diet. But these are the times; you need to feel even more confident.
Find things you LIKE about your body. Maybe, despite your body image struggles, you love a new hairstyle you discovered.
Find something physical or nonphysical that makes you YOU and celebrate it every day!
Does happily ever after really exist or is that just some silly phrase out of a fairy tale?
The fact is at no point in life can you be perfect at anything, but you can prepare yourself for the adventures of life.
And one of life’s biggest challenges is marriage!
Marriage is considered to be one of the hardest aspects of life to control and requires preparation emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
The old notion of “soulmate” is just overrated; “True soulmates” are the one you are married to no matter how unreal you might find them in the moment of aggression.
This is especially true as it is said that “true soulmates are not born but made!” It isn’t something that will happen in the first month, or even in the first year. It will take time, and patience, and commitment. It is believed that with the right amount of love, happiness, and communication anything is possible and your dreams of being together forever may one day come true.
I was married on 25th December 2015 and I have learnt both the numerous ways to destroy and build a successful marriage through “live experiences”.
Few months into our marital bliss, we sobbed on our couch with our heads in our hands. We fought numerous times and we made up even more. Each fight taught something new about each other and led to the reality check of ‘being married’. We disagreed on finances, our ideas of running the household, family, friends, even sometimes on our views about current news! Sometimes our fight led to other person jumping to conclusion without other completing the sentences. I found some his views unreal as he was sometimes stubborn and annoying during such fights and he might have felt the same as we never knew these aspects while we were dating!
Isn’t it during such fight we feel that this is not what I bargained my freedom for? Isn’t it during those hard times we do feel, marriages sucks and most often we assume the other person has changed or maybe we never really knew who they really were!
This happens because we often fold inside of ourselves these lengthy lists of qualifications, standards, and traits we expect the “right person” to meet. But the reality is there is no such thing as “right person” and this is because no one is perfect. There are in-built flaws in all of us and you just have to learn to live with it.
Do you really think there is any such thing as “the right person will come and wipe of your tears and your life will become magical”? Well NO! No one has that kind of power. How can one expect another person to encompass all of the ideals he or she is so grossly incapable of encompassing?
There are thousands of articles available that tell you ‘Dos and Don’ts of a successful marriage. But the fact is every marriage is different and the rules cannot be same for all.
What I learned and still am is:
“Believe in your partner and their intentions like we believe in ourselves!”
This does not mean turning a blind eye but it only implies considering them as part of you and trusting their actions even at a point when you know you are on the verge of breaking.
I strongly believe after being married to the person I love the most now is “No matter how wonderful he is, he isn’t a knight-in-shining anything because I am certainly no princess either!” And it would be unfair for me to expect him to be.
“They say embarrassment has a lot to do with thinking too much, let it go. Nobody cares as much as we think they do!”
For those who know me well, can completely relate if I say, I attract embarrassing situations like a magnet! Whether it’s tripping inside my own room or while climbing up the stairs in public or saying just the wrong words at the wrong time, or just talking out-loud, I’ve mastered the art of awkwardness. I […]
Post-International Women’s day 2018, this thought still resonates:
“Make voicelessness lose its wicked grasp, get yourself heard!”
“She is level-headed and opinionated!” “She is a feminist!” I have to say, when it is needed, I have spoken out loud and talked about my opinion though it has created repercussions both at personal and professional level. I have been stereotyped as someone who is ‘outspoken and rude’! It happened when I took up […]
The term ‘gender bias’ is most often used in relation to discrimination against women, but men can be discriminated against as well!
Gender bias is harmful to both men and women because ‘stereotypes’ are not always true and having a false view of either gender is not fair.
Gender stereotypes are prescriptive and it’s not just how women and men are, it’s how women and men are supposed to be.
Since childhood both girls and boys are raised in a society where they battle their inner desires. From selection of toys to kind of movies they should watch to how they should act, ‘virtual rule books’ are instilled in their innocent minds.
Women love romantic comedies. Men will laugh out loud at a crude joke. Women appreciate a subtle pun; men a brutal one-liner. ‘Chick flicks’ are for girls. ‘Guy movies’ are for, well, guys!
Members of either sex who do not follow gender stereotypes are often punished or mocked at. It has always been perceived as:
Strong Men and Thoughtful women
It’s time to break the stereotypes of both genders prevailing in societies since ages and it’s best to start it young and when the minds are innocent.
Stop telling kids from young age that boy can’t play with dolls; gender has nothing to do with what toys one should play with, similarly girls should be encouraged to play with racing cars if she wants. Stop posing unrealistic expectations on boys. Boys are not only told that boys are not supposed to cry but crying is equated with femininity and derided –boys sometimes end up forming harmful impressions about women as a result, instead normalize the idea of boys expressing emotions. Men are even mocked for choosing field of study that are less technical like arts, choking their creativity in the process and on the other hand girls are still refrained in many societies from taking science stream as they are not meant for girls. When education did became a subject of gender disparity? Isn’t that should be one’s freedom to choose and learn without being stereotyped?
Boys will be boys and Girls will be girls but that should only mean that they are true to themselves
They say, “Ending of every story is a happy one, if the story doesn’t end happily, then it’s not over, the happy climax is yet to come.”
Can’t wait to read the rest of the story!
Anger washed away in the rain along with any obligations. Sagar could see he had been a real fool carrying someone else’s garbage for so long. He couldn’t undo what has already been done but he could definitely do some right. He knew he will fall short of words if he met Samar in-person and […]