Life Teasers…!

Sometimes life seems harsh, unreal, annoying or even difficult but what helps us grow is that one ray of light we call belief, love, confidence or our own hard work.

My posts are a reflection to everyday struggle, in varied phases of life from people to work to love to life in general!

Have a good read!

post

Advertisements

Sizing each other up!

women forming heart gestures during daytime

It was International Women’s Day on 8 March and my Facebook and WhatsApp was flooded with “Happy international women’s day!” messages!

I am sure most women might have been greeted by the men in their lives on this day. But the question is how many women greeted each other and genuinely meant it? Well I am sure only few!

Have you ever asked yourselves as women do we really do justice to being women? I feel disheartened to say NO, We don’t!

What are we as women so proud of? Is it because we can give birth and men can’t? Well, this is God’s miracle and of course a blessing for Women but nothing for us to boost about.

I mean I bow against all the mothers, but not because they can be mothers but as mothers the sacrifices they made or what they do or have done for their families.

Is it because we raise children, manage home and manage work? Well, men go out and work too, and now the time is changing, they help at home too. Nothing for us to take pride in!

Or is it because of an old age saying that we complete men? Well, no one completes anyone! That’s called companionship!

For some of you who think I am women hater, well I am a woman myself!

But I am NOT proud of myself JUST because I am woman or a mother or a wife or a daughter or a sister! There is nothing to be proud of in that.

If it was purely for a relationship or gender to demands respect.  Than all men should be respected as well!  We should be celebrating International men’s day with same amount of charisma.

But do we? No! Because women are not supposed to be respected merely for being mothers or daughter or for the fact we are women.

It is what lies beyond that, which society has now forgotten.

Women are to be respected because, Women are known to be  more generous, kind, nurturing, determined, sacrificing and EMPATHETIC than men. But are we anything like that anymore?

Patriarchy has turned us against our own kind.

It has created an environment where “a woman is a woman’s worst enemy”.

Raised generations of women who think their sole worth lies in how appealing they are to men or how best she can raise a kid or take care of household.

It is the same inherent patriarchy that prevents women in respecting another woman or prevents them from rising to the position of power.

Why is it always a Woman who degrades and mistreat their daughters, daughter-in-laws or sisters and makes their life hell? Why it is always Woman who criticize another woman for having opinions or having dreams.

Whether in their professional or personal lives, it is true that women do not always treat other women well.

I’ve seen best of friends or women in same families rip each other apart in their absence.

Seriously! Woman? Is this your only source of entertainment? Probably the woman you are so busy discussing does not even acknowledge your existence. You should be too busy living your own life, minding your own business, involved in your own families and work to be talking behind other women’s back or trying to interfere in someone else’s life.

Another point is the competition, be at home or at workplace or even in public, women are always trying to win over each other. At home women are trying to rip each other for ruling the households or for winning over the love and importance of the man in the house be it their husband, son or brother.

At workplace, women are so busy trying to show the other woman as week that they forget their own strengths. One of the major reasons most women don’t make it to the top as men is because of their inherent jealousy and insecurities and their constantly trying to pull the other women down. As per a research, most women want to work for male bosses than men. They feel threatened by another woman in power. I mean are you serious? Why does it even matter? Why does gender matter so much?

I’ve often wondered what it is about women that irks women so much. Is it because we tend to think we are each other’s reflections?

Well I will never know, but what I do know is the focus of women empowerment needs to shift from workplace to homes!

Woman have a huge influence on the way their sons and daughters end up treating women. A child’s perception of a woman is formed by the woman in his life. And usually the mothers are full of hatred for women because they themselves have been ill-treated by another woman. She will knowingly or unknowingly give the same perception to her sons and daughters.

“How a woman is treated within her family decides the future fate of other women!”

Give each other complements! Support the ladies in your house! stop bitching about each other! Stop demeaning the women in your life! Stop competing!

“Unless you truly see her as your own reflection, you will never end up loving her!”

Resilient.

Nurturing.

Empathetic.

Loving.

Forgiving.

Supportive.

That’s what it means to be a woman!

Affect people NOT Infect!

Negativity! Thats what I feel these days, no matter, If I read newspaper or watch news or hear people talk.

When things are changing around us, I understand its human nature to become hypercritical.

But making this a habit is just not right!

I am sure we all have met people who find fault with everything they come across?

These are ‘unique’ categories, though now common, who have a problem with everything in life!

Don’t get it yet?

You will find such people repeatedly saying things like these:

“Its too good to be true, I am sure he/she has hidden agenda.”

“Government is a failure. They never do any good to society”

“They can’t succeed in life, They will end up as below average”

Overall world is surrounded by the most hyper-critical people.

Unfortunately, social media specially with the popularity of twitter, Facebook and Whatsapp has in a way given a safe medium to people to talk and write anything for just about anyone without being held accountable.

I fail to understand so much negativity in people. If you want to see a change then be the change or do something about it else you have no right to criticise.

You know according to experts even listening to negative people on media can harm your brain’s hippocampus!!

More serious effect is in no matter of time you will start to think like negative people and even start justifying them!

They are never satisfied, you give them the world and they will come back saying I wanted the moon.

This is what is happening in the political world these days. Its like no good is good enough for masses!

Stop living in the delusional world of negativity and see the world with real eyes.

There might be a chance, your support can make a situation better rather than worse!

Energy is contagious, either you affect people or infect people-T. Harv Eker”

To My Valentine

love_boy_girl_hands.jpg

I promise to always be there for you!!!

I promise to be wide awake when you start Netflix marathons for hours together 😀

I promise to give you my frank opinion without sugar-coating even if you hate it

I promise to always trust you and never doubt your actions 😛

I promise to be your best friend for life and share all our gossips 😎

I promise I will always cherish that ‘special coffee’ made by you more than the ‘Starbucks’ 🙂

I promise to never go to bed angry even if we have to stay up all night

I promise to be your 3 AM friend when you feel lost and low 🙁

I promise never to keep score even when I am clearly winning and will force you to do the same 😉

I promise to love you, honor you, respect you but not ‘obey you’, because that’s a little feminist 😛

I promise to love you even if you get fat, bald and grumpy

I promise I will take you on holidays even when we grow old, I will pick the place and you pay! ➡

I promise to always appreciate what I have even when things are dark

I promise to always be on your side and support you unconditionally

I promise to send you random texts and leave silly gifts without any occasion to remind you how special you are 😉

I promise to defend you to other even if you are wrong and then secretly correct you 😕

I promise to love you more with each passing year

I promise that you will be my valentine for life

To all this and more, I promise to keep my promises!

The Judgement…!

judge_hammer_judgement_court.jpg

We live in a judgmental world, do we not?

Judging others is a part of our daily lives today without knowing how bad and unworthy a trait it is to possess; we carry on doing it every instant. It is strange how we cherry-pick labels for each other. We decide that others aren’t quite the way they should be.

There is a lot of hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness here. We want to reject others as they are, but insist that others love and accept us the way we are.

We as a society are judgmental, because we lack acceptance and empathy!

I see people passing judgement every now and then; sometimes I am a part of the conversation and sometime, I just wonder, wish I could stop them.

Mr. X’s son failed in class 10th. “What a shame! Black spot to family” Someone remarked!

No one cared to know that, Mr. X’s son won in the National hockey team! No one cared to know that, Mr. X’s son was fighting cancer! No one cared to know, Mr. X’s son had music as his passion! No one cared to understand, it could be just a bad year!”

A forty-something women in a metro, braiding a doll’s hair, singing to herself. “She must be mentally retarded, what is she doing travelling alone like that, she is definitely not sane”. People made fun of her and mocked at her.

No one cared to know, she might be taking that doll for her kids as a gift. It could be her childhood doll, she found this morning, with thousand memories attached. She could be taking it for donation to an orphanage. No one knows her history but everyone had their ‘judgement sword’ on, ready to stigmatize, ready to disrespect something that is ‘not-normal’ as per the societal norms”

Women and men are praised for looking a certain way, but women and men are put down for not meeting a certain standard. Even in today’s world women are expected to run errands at home and those who don’t are labeled. They automatically become incompetent homemakers or wives.  Men are still looked down upon if they chose specific profession or chose to work around the house in specific parts of world.

In a lot of marriages, we will find great examples of our judgmental tendency. We marry, and then almost immediately, we stand in judgment of the person we promised to love, almost every action is judged upon, criticized and reasoned for. We want them to change to ours and our family likes. They are judged for their opinion and actions.  According to a survey, this is one of the main causes of failed marriages in today’s world.

I read somewhere:

 “The way you measure yourself is how you measure others and how you assume others measure you”

A tricky statement but absolutely true!

Here are few examples:

“If you measure your value through relationship with your family, then you will measure others by same standard: That is closeness to their family. If they don’t live with their family, or do not visit home often, you will judge them as being irresponsible or being bad son/daughter regardless of their lives or their family values. Even if they have a happy family, you will end up believing that it’s all a facade and they are bound to be unhappy.”

“If for you travel and partying are important to value life as worthwhile, then you will measure other by same standard: How many times in a year they travel or how many times in a week they party. If they don’t travel much or stay home all weekend, you will judge them as losers regardless of their needs.”

“If women have been taught that taking care of home and men in the house as her sole responsibility in a marriage, she will measure the other women in the same scale. If other women don’t fall in her expectations, or got out to work rather than take care of home, she will immediately judge them as bad homemakers regardless of their own ideologies.”

It is mostly are own insecurities that we judge in others. When we are insecure and/or unhappy with whom we are, we try to put other people down.

This is the reason an average looking women, always find fault in how the other people look or are dressed. Even good-looking women with deep-seated insecurities or complexes look for all the ways to tag people around them as ugly.

We judge because we have deep-seated learning from our society or homes and our mind reason that to be correct.

This is why Men from ‘male dominated homes’ or ‘abusive homes’ disregard the opinions from their partner and are quick to judge them as invaluable. They are the ones who are also perpetrators of domestic violence because they assume it is fine to do so.

We judge because we are scared or intimidated by others and hence we will put them down.

Quite often  daughter-in-law’s are judged for choices they make in running errands at home because quite often they are viewed as threats and are disrespected by other women to feel powerful.

What is worse is we not only judge but to make matters worse we believe in our judgement!

It is important to understand each individual is different and have their own set of needs, values and belief. What we may find as important, they may consider as a unnecessary and vice versa.

We might find family values as integral, but most people do not.

We may view the world based on our ambition and materialistic things we possess, but most people do not.

We may consider someone as happy with the number of friends they have or number of parties they attend but most people do not.

We need to remember when we judge others we do not define them but ourselves!

 

We need realism to deal with reality!

Related image

I was recently going through some blog posts and I was amazed by a pattern that I could trace out in most of the posts! Each article that I read and the experiences shared by different authors were all so ‘idealistic’. I mean of course I have nothing against the concept of ‘idealism’ but how idealistic can one person be in real life?

Idealists, practically live in wonderland thinking that life is like a fairy tale. Well if that were the case then there would be no poverty, unemployment, wrong choices, heartbreaks but as we all know, that is not the case!

I usually prefer reality; it is all about portraying your real self and real emotions as regular folks—bored housewives struggling for some alone time, depressed teenagers, stressed working women longing for vacations, not-so-in –love couples trying hard to make the marriage work, poor spinsters, petty government officials & a successful entrepreneur struggling to meet work-life balance—living ordinary lives. Let’s face it: most of us don’t live crazy exciting lives, after all.

Realism is also not about trying to portray the real life characters as ideals, selfless, God fearing people always! As in real life it’s all a mix of selfishness, small fights, dilemmas, crises, hang-ups, love, hatred, dislikes, sadness, happiness but that is what makes ordinary life meaningful.

Thinking outside the box and writing what reader might consider ideal or perfect is NOT idealism! What remains important is knowing your limitations and being honest with yourself about what works within your story rather than trying to make yourself look serene and pure!

Strangers are fascinating. I always get curious about the lives of people I don’t know? We know that they’re like us, but we also know that they’re different from us.  What about that cute colleague in office, who never says a word to anyone? Does he have friends? What about that woman who left her husband? Why that guy ended up an alcoholic, or why that kid ran away from home?

Reading it is like peeping through a keyhole into the lives of others but as we all know nothing is perfect. In social media, all seems so wonderful – vacations, smiling faces, perfect relationships and also the best seller “quotes”. It makes me wonder, all those people who share such amazing quotes, do ever follow them in real life? Well, you know the answers!

Maybe this is where the fatigue is coming in. We always compete to prove ourselves right, perfect and ideal. Challenges arise and not all of them are resolved with a happy ending.  If I read about an author’s life or his beautifully drafted story, I would want to read something realistic not a ‘preaching’, though written exceptionally well, but has no meaning in real life as it is not heartfelt.

We need to get real. We need to understand. We need to feel.

You are all that I need…!

You are the sunshine that starts each morning

The moonlight that concludes my day…

You walk with me in all that I do

And the words I say!

You are the reason for the smile on my face

The twinkle in my eyes

The love in my heart

The Completeness in my life

You are the hand held in mine

My best friend, my love

My confidant to share all

You are my crazy, mature, loving

Thoughtful and caring guy

The one who understands me

A way too deeply

You are the blush to my cheek

Elixir to my soul

You are the voice that makes me go weak

You are all that I need…!

Winning after losing

pexels-photo-136415.jpeg

Its ironical how fraction of seconds

Can change our life’s  directions,

With no possible way to escape

I wonder  if it was truly my life’s reflections.

 

No one will understand my zeal for winning

I simply  can not express the pain of losing.

 

Standing there every night, so scared and so hollow

Veil of loneliness creep up like a dark mist swallow

 

I wanted to run away somewhere new and unclear

A place with no judgement or fear,

I was blind and now I see

Best things in life are usually free.

 

They will always tell you what you can and can not be

But that is not who I am,  I now focus on me!

 

 

 

The Focused Leader

im.jpg

“A nation is inspired by the thoughts and actions of its leaders, both political and spiritual.”

I read these lines recently and it directed my thoughts to think what true leadership is? Is it merely having an upper hand and controlling others, telling them what to do and when to do it? Is it merely raising the protest and governing it, is it merely in the long speeches and monologues? Is it obtained through fear, restrictions and punishments?

Great leaders don’t tell people what to do, but instead take them to where they need to be.

“The greatest leader is not necessarily the one who does the greatest things. He is the one that gets the people to do the greatest things.”  – Ronald Reagan”

A true leader inspires even the youngest mind and is followed by millions, not because he is feared but because he is respected by all.

I have grown up being inspired by one of India’s iconic leader “Baharat Ratna Atal Bihari Vajpayee”, like most of us in India. It was then when I had least knowledge of politics, when I was barely aware of country’s economic situations or what lay beyond the scope of our school syllabus. But what inspired me even then his work and his way with words! An exceptional orator!

I remember one of his speeches where he advocated his vision to transform India into one of the biggest global economies and motivated the nation to becoming a better, more educated and a first world nation. He emphasized in his speech:

“Our aim should be to make India a global R&D hub.”

The secret that lies behind the prosperity of nations is simple but profound: ideas matter and this requires effective leadership. There is a direct link between Good Governance, effective leadership and economic prosperity. This is relevant by the difference between African and Asian countries, many of which started their history as states at the same point in the 1960s which is striking. It is evident from the facts that the lack of effective leadership could be one of the many causes for Africa’s lagging behind from the rest of the world.

The vision of our former Prime Minister; to build a productive economy and a stable society needs pragmatist as a leader—one who has knowledge and skill to restructure the system, and thus, would resist the temptation to maintain the status quo.

 

After Hours

pexels-photo-313690.jpeg

“What do you want from me? I have a demanding job and I need to check this email from office, its urgent.”

How many times have you looked at your emails already today? Do you feel under constant pressure to do so?

“I am busy the whole week!  I work 60 hours a week!”

Are you one of them who sit long hours in office?

People these days’ lead crazy lives, am I right?

But being busy all the time is not a lifestyle, it’s an existence.

Exhaustion can sometimes numb your mind and you may feel a sense of pride over being able to state that you worked extra hours at office this week, last week or last month.

I know because I’ve done it in the past, and probably still do it. It may give you a sense of how important you are to your employer. But trust me it never is the case!

If you dig deep in, it’s a road block and not just because of famous theory of ‘work-life balance’ but also that there seems to be an organizational glitch and you have been working two people’s job or may be more! You need to stop being proud of overworking ourselves. You can’t do anything when you’re half dead. You can’t do things efficiently when you’re tired.

When’s the last time you said “No” at work? Or are you one of those who feel part of having a job is putting up with whatever’s asked of them?

There was a time during one of my previous jobs where I was working almost 10-12 hours per day.  I was so busy that I missed my meals. I was almost always working on weekends. I was perpetually exhausted and anxious. This is not who I wanted to be. That’s when I realized sometimes you might want to say ‘NO’ to overwhelming workload or chronically unreasonable deadlines.

You don’t have to be aggressive about it but just have to learn art of negotiations. Contrary to people’s belief, there is room to push back or renegotiate when something’s unreasonable and doing so tends to make people much happier at work.

So does it all again narrow down to age-old concept of ‘work-life balance’? Well No! I am not a promoter of this concept at all. Trying to schedule an equal number of hours for each of your various work and personal activities is usually unrewarding and unrealistic!

With various modes of communication and technological advancements it is not possible to completely shut off work when at home and vice-versa. You may have to check an urgent email at home or stay a few hours after office on a certain day to meet a deadline and you may even have to respond to your spouse or parent’s phone while at office and take leave for home renovations or holidays. We need to accept the fact that life is and should be more flexible than following a fixed schedule or routine 365 days a year.

What you need is a ‘balanced lifestyle’. Instead of just letting life happen, you need to make deliberate choices about what you want from work and how you may want to spend your leisure time. You need to have a strong sense of who you are, your values, and what is important to you and at what time and have a strong support network who you can rely on in times of difficulties!

After all Its only “When your life works, your work works!”

 

Don’t know what to say to you…

I don’t know what to do…

Don’t know what to say to you?

Was it true?

Was it all a joke?

Whatever it is, I’ll choke!

Waiting for you to come up to me

Waiting for you to ask…

Waiting for you to say,

You love me forever and a day

Soon I realised

My mind paralysed

I am left alone

With a heart of a stone

I am staring at you with open arms…

Longing to listen to those subtle charms!

I don’t know what to do…

Don’t know what to say to you?