Then and Now

In life you get hurt, you become practical

But does it makes you forget who you were?

You move on…

Then why past haunts?

Why when everything seems perfect

You sulk inside?

Is it the ‘person’ or ‘you’

Are you still the same?

No matter how strong you pose

You still get hurt

And that is what I am wondering now…

Was I better then or am better now?

Then if I was hurt, I weeped…

Now when am hurt, I smile,

Then if I missed someone, I called…

Now if I miss, I delete,

Then I loved with all my heart…

Now, I love with all the doubts,

Then my every action was for the present…

Now with every action I measure future,

Then my dreams were about love…

Now I only dream of success,

In the process I grew up!

From an innocent little girl to a women

But isn’t it that deep down inside that ‘little girl’ never dies?

I am still the same!

Who still believes in fairy tales and prince-charming but poses as her ‘own boss’

So was I better then or am I better now?

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MY WORST DOWNFALL…! — Candles Online

“They say embarrassment has a lot to do with thinking too much, let it go. Nobody cares as much as we think they do!” 

For those who know me well, can completely relate if I say, I attract embarrassing situations like a magnet! Whether it’s tripping inside my own room or while climbing up the stairs in public or saying just the wrong words at the wrong time, or just talking out-loud, I’ve mastered the art of awkwardness. I […]

via MY WORST DOWNFALL…! — Candles Online

STOP BEING A VICTIM AND OWN IT! — Candles Online

Post-International Women’s day 2018, this thought still resonates:

“Make voicelessness lose its wicked grasp, get yourself heard!”

“She is level-headed and opinionated!” “She is a feminist!” I have to say, when it is needed, I have spoken out loud and talked about my opinion though it has created repercussions both at personal and professional level. I have been stereotyped as someone who is ‘outspoken and rude’! It happened when I took up […]

via STOP BEING A VICTIM AND OWN IT! — Candles Online

Boys will be Boys and Girls will be Girls…

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Boys will be Boys and Girls will be Girls

The term ‘gender bias’ is most often used in relation to discrimination against women, but men can be discriminated against as well!

Gender bias is harmful to both men and women because ‘stereotypes’ are not always true and having a false view of either gender is not fair.

Gender stereotypes are prescriptive and it’s not just how women and men are, it’s how women and men are supposed to be.

Since childhood both girls and boys are raised in a society where they battle their inner desires. From selection of toys to kind of movies they should watch to how they should act, ‘virtual rule books’ are instilled in their innocent minds.

Women love romantic comedies. Men will laugh out loud at a crude joke. Women appreciate a subtle pun; men a brutal one-liner. ‘Chick flicks’ are for girls. ‘Guy movies’ are for, well, guys!

Members of either sex who do not follow gender stereotypes are often punished or mocked at. It has always been perceived as:

Strong Men and Thoughtful women

It’s time to break the stereotypes of both genders prevailing in societies since ages and it’s best to start it young and when the minds are innocent.

Stop telling kids from young age that boy can’t play with dolls; gender has nothing to do with what toys one should play with, similarly girls should be encouraged to play with racing cars if she wants. Stop posing unrealistic expectations on boys. Boys are not only told that boys are not supposed to cry but crying is equated with femininity and derided –boys sometimes end up forming harmful impressions about women as a result, instead normalize the idea of boys expressing emotions. Men are even mocked for choosing field of study that are less technical like arts, choking their creativity in the process and on the other hand girls are still refrained in many societies from taking science stream as they are not meant for girls. When education did became a subject of gender disparity? Isn’t that should be one’s freedom to choose and learn without being stereotyped?

Boys will be boys and Girls will be girls but that should only mean that they are true to themselves

On this International Women Day, let’s pledge for change  #PressforProgress

 

THE ROAD TO HOME – IX — Candles Online

 

They say, “Ending of every story is a happy one, if the story doesn’t end happily, then it’s  not over, the happy climax is yet to come.”

Can’t wait to read the rest of the story!

Anger washed away in the rain along with any obligations. Sagar could see he had been a real fool carrying someone else’s garbage for so long. He couldn’t undo what has already been done but he could definitely do some right. He knew he will fall short of words if he met Samar in-person and […]

via THE ROAD TO HOME – IX — Candles Online

Silliness in Love

Love

At times I may get upset

Without any reason

But just know that I only want your attention

I know at times I am hard to deal

But please just try…

Just a hug from you, makes me smile

I am not perfect and I will never be

But I promise one thing

No matter where life takes us

I will forever be there to irritate you

Make you mad and then love you ♥

Rape: A Societal Block

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If you don’t feel her terror, you are not human!

“Student abducted, raped in moving car in Gurgaon, one held; Mumbai: Eighty-year-old arrested for ‘raping’ eight-year-old girl; Delhi High Court says 14-year-old gave consent, convict’s rape term reduced; Four-year-old girl raped by school van driver: Police”

Rape rears its ugly façade almost every day in daily newspapers through these headlines. News is filled with all kind of cases from brutal rape and murder by strangers to gang-rape by acquaintances to even rape by own relatives and spouse and it’s not limited to girls in their ‘ripe ages’ with ‘full blossom’ but the mentality has degraded to an extent that even a minor girl of 4 years, an infant girl or an old lady in her eighties are not spared.

Can anyone justify what do such ‘monsters’ see in a 4-year-old innocent girl and let alone an infant?

No! I am not justifying that raping a 20 year girl is acceptable but I am trying to question those who mercilessly blame that women show their body to get raped! She automatically becomes a target of ‘Victim-blaming’, where she is not just a victim of dreadful crime but a sadist society as well!

Sexual violence is often normalized and excused under allegations.

 “She should not have worn such clothes, after all boys will be boys!” “Oh! She was drunk, this was bound to happen, she had no moral values!”, “A husband has a right on a Women’s body that is not rape!”, ”Why was she working so late, a woman should be home before sunset!”

The irony is many times women themselves are seen justifying above statements! This does not make me angry but I pity such women and I have empathy for them. By labeling or accusing the victim, women can see the victim as different from themselves. These women reassure themselves by thinking, “Because I am not like her, because I do not do that, this would never happen to me.” Really? Wish that was true but it’s not, It can happen to anyone!

We need to stop objectification of women’s body and glamorization of sexual violence! It’s not a women’s fault, not her fate, not something a women need to be ashamed of, she did nothing to provoke rape and she is definitely not ‘sinned’.

I have come across varied views on rape as a societal block, but mostly they fall in to two main categories.

One who thinks rape is women’s fault!

To all the ‘wise men and women’ out there who sit at the ‘comfort of their home’ and lecture on how a girl could have avoided rape, how she invited it, have you ever thought how despicable you’re thinking is?

All are not born with luxury in their lap! There are women who are the sole bread-winner of their family, there are women who are ambitious, and there are women who are free-thinkers, who believe in living their life.

But yes! With all due respect to your sordid mentality, No one just no one asks to be raped! In the process of justifying your morbid thinking you are not just ‘Slut-shaming’ the victim but shielding the rapist as well!

There are no words to describe the horror of images of a women being dehumanized, barely considered a human corpse with alien looking fingers moving all over the flesh. When the hunger is met for and after hours of torture, disgrace, enormous pain and helplessness, she is thrown away, lifeless, like a piece of trash; in a gutter; on the road; railway tracks or even brutally murdered.

On the other hand, we have quite a good number of ‘men and women with moral values’ who supports grave punishment for rapist, they don’t blame women and are against slut-shaming, I am sure most of you reading this fall under this category.

Yes, we are filled with anger, we criticize, we organize candle marches, we cry, we have guilt’s that we live in a society where women still don’t have any rights to live freely. Yes, we are ‘good human beings!’

May I ask, have you ever stopped a boy from eve teasing a girl in your own society, while you were crossing the lanes during office hours? ‘I would have, if only I was not getting late for office.’

May I ask, have you ever talked to your male child when you saw him watching a scene in a movie about a girl being hit by her boyfriend? ‘I would have but he is only a child, he wouldn’t understand.’

May I ask, how many times in your own office, home or society have you ever stood against injustice to women, no matter how minor it is? ‘I would have, but that is not under my control’

May I ask to all women, how many times have you stood for the rights of your own daughters, sisters, and relatives in front of the men in the house? ‘I would have, but men are the decision-maker, aren’t they?

You cannot bring about a National change,   if you are not ready to fight for it in your own homes, own societies, own cities. Stop playing a victim in your own homes, stop being a spectator, stop accepting things that you think is wrong.

It’s high time we learn to take a stand!

Things My Father Taught Me…!

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Have ever been asked a question on who inspires you the most in life, someone who impacted you and continue to do so even now? ‘Mom’ may be the first answer to most of you and this second the fact that ‘Dads’ are often the most unappreciated and under-rated people on the earth.

Brainstorming this for long and using my own life experiences, I strongly believe ‘Dad’s’ are the most amazing, inspirational and self-less creature on the earth ever born, and this is especially true for all the daughters out there!

The relationship between a father and daughter has something special about it, where both learn essential things from each other. The father learns how to open about his feelings while the daughter learns how to be confident and strong.

In my life my Dad has not only been an inspiration but has been a teacher, a mother, a friend and a guide.

Once, I had a week alone with my father as my mother was out of town, by the time she came back I had already skipped school thrice; ate junk on most nights; watched movies the entire night. He taught me to be ‘carefree’!

A year later on my mother’s funeral, I was sobbing my heart out when I caught the gaze of my father, wondering “What now? How are we even going to live the whole life without her?” He looked at me and nodded, it was a re-assurance that he is there, I need not be afraid. He taught me ‘empathy’!

Months after her death were constant struggle and to add to that came the age-long solution, re-marriage! Family kept insisting he should get married right away, but he denied. “How will you look after them alone? She is a girl, you can never be her mother”, they all kept feeding him. I still remember my father turning blind ears to all and he did what he believed in his heart. He taught me ‘self-belief’!

It was a year after her death; my father did everything for us without complaining. He learnt cooking for for us, and used to cook for us each single day. I remember him getting up at 6 in the morning to prepare breakfast, getting us ready for school, seeing us off, and he was always running late for office by the time he himself got ready,. His day ended at 10 in the night when he used to kiss us goodnight.  In the day’s routine he had no time for himself, he was always on his toes ready to make our lives easy. Yet he never complained, never frowned. He taught me ‘Endurance’!

He reminded me of my capabilities every time I failed a test, an exam or a game and made sure I achieve what I truly desire in heart. He criticized me, scolded me, complimented me but never let me fail. He taught me to ‘strive for success!’

 On the day of college admission, I sat there crying as my first tuition fee was to be filled, it was huge. “This is your dream,” he said. “This has been your dream. You only focus on working hard; I will figure it all out.  But remember this is your debt, which you should be able to repay by earning more than you put” He taught me to be self-sufficient!

To every girl her father is the first man in her life and the greatest gift he can give her is making her believe in herself! My father did the same, he taught me that I deserve the best in life and I should never be afraid to speak my mind of.

Most importantly for every daughter, their fathers set the standard for other men in her life. He shows her throughout his life that real love is unconditional and she continues to be the darling princes in his life forever!

Always believe in yourself and make sure you never settle for anything less then you deserve!