We live in a judgmental world, do we not?
Judging others is a part of our daily lives today without knowing how bad and unworthy a trait it is to possess; we carry on doing it every instant. It is strange how we cherry-pick labels for each other. We decide that others aren’t quite the way they should be.
There is a lot of hypocrisy and narrow-mindedness here. We want to reject others as they are, but insist that others love and accept us the way we are.
We as a society are judgmental, because we lack acceptance and empathy!
I see people passing judgement every now and then; sometimes I am a part of the conversation and sometime, I just wonder, wish I could stop them.
Mr. X’s son failed in class 10th. “What a shame! Black spot to family” Someone remarked!
No one cared to know that, Mr. X’s son won in the National hockey team! No one cared to know that, Mr. X’s son was fighting cancer! No one cared to know, Mr. X’s son had music as his passion! No one cared to understand, it could be just a bad year!”
A forty-something women in a metro, braiding a doll’s hair, singing to herself. “She must be mentally retarded, what is she doing travelling alone like that, she is definitely not sane”. People made fun of her and mocked at her.
No one cared to know, she might be taking that doll for her kids as a gift. It could be her childhood doll, she found this morning, with thousand memories attached. She could be taking it for donation to an orphanage. No one knows her history but everyone had their ‘judgement sword’ on, ready to stigmatize, ready to disrespect something that is ‘not-normal’ as per the societal norms”
Women and men are praised for looking a certain way, but women and men are put down for not meeting a certain standard. Even in today’s world women are expected to run errands at home and those who don’t are labeled. They automatically become incompetent homemakers or wives. Men are still looked down upon if they chose specific profession or chose to work around the house in specific parts of world.
In a lot of marriages, we will find great examples of our judgmental tendency. We marry, and then almost immediately, we stand in judgment of the person we promised to love, almost every action is judged upon, criticized and reasoned for. We want them to change to ours and our family likes. They are judged for their opinion and actions. According to a survey, this is one of the main causes of failed marriages in today’s world.
I read somewhere:
“The way you measure yourself is how you measure others and how you assume others measure you”
A tricky statement but absolutely true!
Here are few examples:
“If you measure your value through relationship with your family, then you will measure others by same standard: That is closeness to their family. If they don’t live with their family, or do not visit home often, you will judge them as being irresponsible or being bad son/daughter regardless of their lives or their family values. Even if they have a happy family, you will end up believing that it’s all a facade and they are bound to be unhappy.”
“If for you travel and partying are important to value life as worthwhile, then you will measure other by same standard: How many times in a year they travel or how many times in a week they party. If they don’t travel much or stay home all weekend, you will judge them as losers regardless of their needs.”
“If women have been taught that taking care of home and men in the house as her sole responsibility in a marriage, she will measure the other women in the same scale. If other women don’t fall in her expectations, or got out to work rather than take care of home, she will immediately judge them as bad homemakers regardless of their own ideologies.”
It is mostly are own insecurities that we judge in others. When we are insecure and/or unhappy with whom we are, we try to put other people down.
This is the reason an average looking women, always find fault in how the other people look or are dressed. Even good-looking women with deep-seated insecurities or complexes look for all the ways to tag people around them as ugly.
We judge because we have deep-seated learning from our society or homes and our mind reason that to be correct.
This is why Men from ‘male dominated homes’ or ‘abusive homes’ disregard the opinions from their partner and are quick to judge them as invaluable. They are the ones who are also perpetrators of domestic violence because they assume it is fine to do so.
We judge because we are scared or intimidated by others and hence we will put them down.
Quite often daughter-in-law’s are judged for choices they make in running errands at home because quite often they are viewed as threats and are disrespected by other women to feel powerful.
What is worse is we not only judge but to make matters worse we believe in our judgement!
It is important to understand each individual is different and have their own set of needs, values and belief. What we may find as important, they may consider as a unnecessary and vice versa.
We might find family values as integral, but most people do not.
We may view the world based on our ambition and materialistic things we possess, but most people do not.
We may consider someone as happy with the number of friends they have or number of parties they attend but most people do not.
We need to remember when we judge others we do not define them but ourselves!